Nobody eats in restaurants more than reviewers. And, it seems, nobody gets more annoyed by flaws in restaurants than reviewers. In this installment, we have Chicago Tribune restaurant reviewer Phil Vettel ranting about the top 10 annoying restaurant design flaws.
Wobbly tables. Fix ’em. Every busboy should know the old matchbook-shim trick.
- Backless bar stools land benches. Because some people still wear low-rise pants. What, is the plumbers’ convention in town?
- Ginormous menus. If they can’t be placed on the table without breaking something, we have a problem.
- Too-close banquette tables. It’s like the couple next to me are part of my date.
- Cold, dark bathrooms. Why do we even have to mention this one?
- Hard, uncomfortable seats. I can’t fully appreciate the food when my kiester’s numb.
- Clingy, rough-grain banquette fabrics. I want to slide in, not fight my way in.
- Tables too close to the front door. Every time someone enters or leaves, I get a weather report. Put in an airlock or hang some heavy curtains, but spare us the blast of outdoor air.
- Toilet fixtures that look like modern art. How do I work this thing?
- Modern art that looks like a toilet fixture. I’m two martini’s away from a public-indecency charge.